I said  I was starting my fast today...well so much for that.
My cracker binged really showed when I stepped on the scale this morning....I'm so upset. How can I be such a fatass? I mean I think there should be a law for being this fucking fat! Anyways.... that was suppose to motivate me for not eating, but instead I had:
3 rice cakes=120cals
apple sauce= 100cals(didn't count how much I ate..so rounding)
1 tbsp Peanut Butter= 80cals.
1 Jello= 20cals.
2 tbsp tatazkiki= 45cals.

Ugh and probably a bit more....I'm nasty...I'm gross....ugh......


But I'm not eating anymore today...and I will try not to eat much tomorrow. Only healthy stuff. 

This is so hard cause I'm so sad...and when I'm emotional, all I want to do it sit and eat eat EAT! Ugh, why can't I get it through my mind that Food is shit! That food is NOT going to help me?! 

I think I'm always destined to be a failure.....from what I see my life as, I'd say that's not an understatement.




I don't know what to do anymore...........

xox

So after having a major binge, I've decided on doing my first 7 day fast! I'm a bit scared that I'll fail at it, but toally stoked because I'm going to try my hardest! I think this is what my body needs to get off of this plateau, and seeing as how I have been binging like all week, my metabolism will definetly get a shock! Good. It deserves it. 
So, for the next 7 days, water, diet coke, and green tea(any kind of tea) will rule my life. Yum yum. No food, except I will allow myself yogurt(only 50cals) or a small salad if I really, truely need it, or my parents start to get suspcious. I doubt they will, seeing as how my whole family is so focused on my Grandpa, as am I. So eating, or not eating in this case, will be easy. I have too much other stuff to think and worry about to really concentrate on food. My Grandpa is all that matters to me, so fuck food. 
I really don't want to screw this up, and that's why I'm putting all my efforts into really achieving this goal! I want to loose at least 6-7pounds. I need to loose at least 12Lbs by March 16th! I NEED TO DO THIS!! I CAN and WILL do this!!!! So wish me luck♥

Fast begins: Saturday, March 3rd(tomorrow)
Fast Ends: Friday, March 9th.


xox